This tendency of judging someone before we try them out or get to know them can have devastating consequences. Borrowed hatred and imported enmity have little or nothing to offer to our circumstances because we are different. It is this difference that sets us apart and even determine how we can be treated by the very person someone tried to demonise or force us to hate. We all react differently to medications and the weather. Human beings are the same; what you mother dislikes or whom she fought with may be someone you fall in love with or build a business empire with.
I recall a man whose mother swore; “over my dead body will you marry that woman. I hear she is a gold digger and dates rich men to afford her lifestyle. I also hear…”
That is where the problem was. Her reaction was based of hearsays. She never gave this woman a chance, let along her own son, to explain his love for the woman and his intentions. As a result, the couple’s relationship took longer to settle and become something concrete. The mother simply imported the rage from people who may have had their reasons for hating her would-be daughter-in-law. She was too consumed.
Malawi Electoral Commission chairperson Annabel Mtalimanja is a typical example of how hearsays or imported rage can be misleading. This is a woman many speculated she was put in that position to favour the then ruling Malawi Congress Party. Demonstrations were held as people bayed for her blood, demanding for her removal or resignation. Mtalimanja knew who she was and was never deterred even as some accused her of planning to rig the just-ended election. But post-election, nobody has come out to apologise to her or at least point out what we missed straighten the record to future reference.
We can do more than condone this speculative culture that, sadly, some people take seriously or believe. We ought to be people that refuse to be guided or misguided based on what others say. There is a reason one may be divorced and still find love successfully with another. There is a reason criminals have friends and loyal love interests. That busy body has admirers and best friends. That stuck-up boss has loyalists who still feed him with company gossip. Why? Because there is always something in them and about them that someone is attracted to. Your worst enemy is someone’s best friend. There is no point in getting angry at your enemies’ friends. It’s natural.
The next time someone tries to convince you to dislike someone or join their beef with another, ask yourself what exactly is in it for you. What is the reporter’s motive and why you should get entangled in the first place. Otherwise, allow people to sort out their messes and no amount or pressure of monetary gain should drive someone to join battle fields whose genesis they are clueless about. You just might be caught in the cross fire.
